A friend asked me if I had any intentions for my recent birthday. Normally I’m buzzing with thoughts on new things to incorporate in my life. But my response this time was not really. It came to me that I’m grateful to have built a foundation of awareness, alignment of my values with actions.
It feels like the stage that’s been set is less about what I want to do, and more on what I need to receive. Being independent is a tool I hope can serve me through a myriad of experiences. And also, it comes back repeatedly, the understanding that I can’t do this journey alone. I need support, love, and companionship to guide me through.
I’ve been studying Human Design, which is a fascinating way to learn about one’s personality. It combines practices like astrology, Myers-Briggs, I-Ching, and creates a map of your energy structure based on chakra points, amongst other elements.
According to Human Design, we all have a “profile,” which combines a conscious and subconscious typing in one group. There are 12 possible options, and my profile, is called the “Hermit Opportunist.” Essentially, this identification is associated with requiring space to one’s self for integrating experience, but also very much needing opportunities through connection.
When I think of impactful portals in my life, like getting my first job after university, or embarking on a life changing retreat to Ecuador, they came through as invitations from other people.
The invitations came because the people who offered them, saw something of value in me that would benefit. My background that didn’t offer resources or relationships that made me feel valued as a kid, and it’s been a long road to embody building this within.
Now that I’ve done enough work to understand my inherent worth, the tricky part is actually receiving the opportunities to match the intentions I’ve laid out. It feels like this limbo space. Where I’m envisioning the life I want to create for myself, the experiences of love and collaboration I understand I so deserve, but they are not fully here, yet.
And they are not here simply because the invitations haven’t arrived. I put myself out there, I keep my heart open, and I pray each day I can move a step closer toward to manifesting what I want. In this interim space, I am also reminded more clearly of what doesn’t serve me and how that feels. The deepest discomforts that come are when they deal with places/relationships/spaces that aren’t supportive of what I bring as a person.
A fire is lit in my soul when I have the chance to really hear someone, to support their journey in whatever way lends itself best. As an empathic giver, I thrive when I am in spaces I can offer this. Ultimately, I actually need that same care back for it to be sustainable.
I want to and am ready to move forward in this new chapter of my life. And while I have an enthused a sense of responsibility to do what I need to continue on with my story, I can’t do it in a vacuum. I need the support of people who can help me bridge those gaps because they see I’m worth it, too.
The funny part, is that I have no control of who gets to be those bridges. All I can do is honor who is here now, and wait one day at a time for the miracle to come for anything/anyone more.