January brought two opportunities for relationship that seemed extremely promising. In both scenarios, I felt this spark of “this is what I’ve been looking for,” and it got me hyped. So hyped, that I was quickly sharing vulnerable parts of myself as invitation to connect intimately. In the end, through both parties, things did not take form and I experienced disappointment. Though I consider myself highly discerning, and don’t let people in easily, it became very clear, that no matter the potential, credentials need to be established in the best interest of one safely revealing those special areas of the heart. What helps establish those credentials? Time.
I have a lot to learn about partnership dynamics. I’ve really prided myself this past year with self-sufficiency and a yearning for depth. Because I’ve been waiting for a level of chemistry that fits my frequency, when one seems appear, I want to dash into them. I want to share my whole self, because big-heartedness is a quality I value of my soul. I’m a love warrior, and it can be so easy to say “here’s who I am, here’s what I offer, are you down?,” when a promise appears.
Connections are layered, though. I can feel confident what I have to offer is genuine and special, and it does not mean the recipient will be available or willing to receive it. And even if they are, there may be unfolding that needs to work for them to feel comfortable opening to another. This is where understanding comes to play that partnerships are more about how two parties can navigate differences through grace, than just sharing commonalities.
A mentor of mine told me a powerful acronym for time - Things I Must Earn. I resonate with that phrasing via these recent love explorations, but the clarity of why that’s valuable data came in ways I didn’t expect.
I want to first prelude that clarity with some history. As child, I was often put down for expressions of excitement and it was really hurtful. I remember my father turning away my enthusiasm when I’d get enthused about going to the park or a new toy.
The words “you are too much” are some of the most hurtful things you could say to me. That past led me to shut away parts of my heart, which backfired, bringing unexpected, explosions of emotions toward others. With healing and support, I’ve realized that I am and will always be a passionate person. Childhood introduced a framework that was not supportive to the energies I carried, but thankfully, college, and connections in my adult years were the first times I felt fully embraced fully for my fire.
Going back to today, it’s clear that energy and passion for someone is not enough. The timing of how two parties come together is that secret ingredient. From my most recent relationship opportunities, the passion was “right” on my end, but the other side was not able to hold what I brought so soon. Timing is not so much about going “slow” as it is creating space for someone to really show who they are. Actions speak louder than words and we can’t show it all in one swoop.
I’m beginning to understanding that the way I operate or level of care I want to show up in relationships is not wrong. To really align the potentials I intuit in another with credentials, time is going to be my best friend. And so next invitation for partnership I slow down. Not because I’m too much, but to offer another the grace to process where they might be with me. And more importantly, having them earn my trust through how they choose or not choose to show up.