I am thinking a lot about intuition lately and how it’s served me. I believe we all have an inner-knowing, which more or less can guide us toward appropriate solutions. Recently, that inner-voice gave me an extended lesson on the practice of doing nothing. Doing nothing feels paradoxical as a choice. Additionally, as someone who’s built survival skills on movement, it feels almost deceptive entertaining a pause as being supportive for change.
It’s apparent now that hopes, dreams and intentions aside, timing/forces beyond my control will always be factored. Today I have more comfort in those waiting periods. They can be long, brutal even, but then things actually do shift because change is the nature of life.
As a growth oriented person, one challenge for me has been learning to be gentle with myself in those moments where my free-will and choosing is involved. I so want to do what’s best in a long term sense, and there can be a pressure that if I don’t do a thing a certain way, it’s going to bite me in the butt. Awareness is a gift but it can also add unnecessary or excessive deliberation that can actually become self-defeating when over done.
I have mentors who have been extremely helpful unpacking those junctions. They remind me that there is actually no right or wrong choice regarding ones spiritual journey. That all actions and inaction can be used to help learn, adapt, and pivot when necessary. I’ve had to put a lot of work to not be as compulsive as I used to, so slowing down is key when I want to explore anything meaningful. But ultimately there come points where I won’t really know, or gain the insight I need, until I act on the things that I’m curious about.
Recently, I was gifted this beautiful deck of cards, by Debbie Millman, which has writing prompts for envisioning a life one wants. The intro pamphlet has a personal narrative by Millman, where she describes how early in her career she played it safe because she didn’t come from the background to afford risk taking. But when she began to write down the life she wanted, unfiltered, it created a map for her to slowly materialize the unfathomable. Big ideas became possible because she believed it first.
There is a difference between forcing ones way through life, versus being like a student or child. Sitting, watching, receiving, but also playing along the way. Those fluctuations are key, and I see more recently the childlike energy flowing internally. Children offer beautiful wisdom. A good parent would not put a child down for it’s inherent curiosity and I think that’s something that gets lost in adulthood. There’s obvious dangers that aging helps to avoid, but there’s something to say about being bold enough to not just imagine but actually take steps to explore what one wants.
I feel excited by this refreshing youthful vigor guiding me. I’m on the precipice of promising manifestations. So much of my recent past has been about timing, delays, inner-refinement. It almost had me forget that while there are forces beyond my control, I do have a say in how I shape my life. So I’ll allow those periods of waiting to ground and center, but then I’m out to play. Exploring connection, potentials, getting a little messy. And not getting so caught up doing it perfectly, or even mostly right.