On my first day arriving back to Alto Paraiso, my host, Fael, picked me up to rent a bicycle. Here, time is non-linear. Plans change, orient to something centered in the present. Owners of shops will say they are open, only to have locked gates and ask to wait a few minutes for someone to undo the closure.
Fael, and I waited across the street as he partook in a few beers and got to know me. Sitting across from one another with laughter, stories about women, travel, sex and beginnings. There was an immediate transition from this professional introduction, to a connection that was casual, playful, and flowing.
After claiming my bike, he invited me to his apartment to further converse and share music. It’s special when you laugh so hard with someone you just met, that you fall to the floor, bellowing via the abdomen.
Then, I was taken to the supermarket to supply food for my accommodation, ending with a secret bakery tour for breads and pastries. At points I shed tears in his company, because for many months an experience like this was far from my realm of possibility, and now it happened. Kindness of strangers. Interconnectivity.
We’re different in ways, but we are also alike. How special it is to be open toward the right people, where it’s about the sharing of aura and respect for difference.
Love is non-linear. Connections have their beginnings and ends, but the flow of partnership that is truly authentic, honors the other as who they are. It means being present for each experience of bonding with no judgement on past or future. I am grateful for a few days to be a recipient of generosity.
The driver who transported me to Alto Paraiso and treated me to pamonhos de sal. He hardly spoke English, and I Portuguese, but there was a relationship centered on learning, history and cuisine brewing. Communications with a nomadic clothing designer, offering a cycling trip to a nearby village. Feelings of appreciation bubbling in our texts, because the attraction between one another is a deep fondness for the natural world.
This world is not perfect. People are not perfect. I am not perfect. I have experienced almost a year of painful metamorphosis, shedding an environment that could not or would not hold me. But here in Brazil, I have been held, even for two days, with more to come.
I want to explore something different through in my body as I stay these days in Brazil. I have held on to so much trauma which was hard to release because my environment was traumatizing. And now that I’m away from that chapter, I want to lean further into the trust of the moment. The love of others that is fleeting, yet omnipresent. I want to expect nothing, but feel open to correctness. The energies, behaviors, qualities and calls of living that are aligned with my heartfelt sense of being.
To be honest, that is a scary decision. I have much more to grieve from a long period of suppression. But even any periods while I reside in Brazil that no one should receive me. I still have this transformative Earth. The toucans and macaws against the clear sky. The sun of the Cerrado to nourish my soul.
You’re a shining star of a human being ✨💫🌟🤩
Love it! Love you!
I'm so excited for your journey. As you say, much grieving to be done... And as you know, loss is part of growth and shedding is part of metamorphosis.
Amazing fantastic small steps and giant leaps to life ahead starting with life now. Breathe deeply
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